Here We GO !!!!!!!!
The day that I had been anticipating for a few months had finally arrived. Monday, The first day of my final working week in the U.K. Now as it happens the whole week went by and sure there was plenty of well wishes and handshakes but as I left work for the final time I had that anticlimax feeling. I have only been with the company two and a half years so I wasn’t expecting a gold watch or nothing, .however, perhaps it was me but things seemed a little too underwhelming. That feeling only lasted but a few moments before a little wry smile took over
It`s Sunday ….. MY very LAST Sunday in the UK .. HEHEHE.. I HAVE STARTED TO PACK… I now am in full on excited mode . It`s actually finally happening . It`s like the whole ambiance has changed . It feels mighty good too. There is nothing in my week ahead that is going to be remotely taxing or stressful apart from seeing my girls for the last time but that aside I AM READY . I can honestly say I have no fear, apprehension,reluctance or any other negativity about doing this. Is this wrong ? Should I be feeling something other than happiness and positivity for the future ? I don`t know. My way of thinking is that if I wasn’t feeling how I am now, 100% sure this is the right thing for me, Then I probably shouldn’t do it but as it is I welcome my future with hooting horns ,flags, lots of whooping it up and of course open arms.
Please feel free to share your findings
Previously On Lanky Goes Forth !
With the start of the Penultimate week of my working life in England being Just hours away , And being it`s Fathers day my thoughts are dominated to the most painful part of this path I now walk .
Knowing I am going to have to say goodbye to my two beautiful daughters, Jane and Mary , was never going to be easy for any of us but especially for them. Jane is 9 yrs and Mary 15 yrs age and they both live with their mother, Samantha, who I was married to for nearly 13 years ending some 5 yrs ago with a divorce , a very bitter divorce .
For Samantha that bitterness has remained with her to this day and it would be very fair of me to say bitterness has festered into nastiness on her part. Now even though all that nastiness is aimed in my direction, and delivered with some venom, what Samantha is totally oblivious to is that it`s Jane and Mary who are being hurt by her almost lust for the need to hurt me . Samantha doesn’t even recognize the fact that I `ve become immune to her venom, I feel , I now know the real Samantha better than she really knows herself , .
Jane and Mary have a given ” Right” to be shielded from 100 % of all the crap that they have ,unashamedly, for Samantha , been exposed to . No child should have to hear any adult let alone their mother shout ” You’re a Crap Father” ” “I hate you The Kids hate you” before slamming the phone down for any reason what so ever. What caused her to do that by the way was the fact that I called to inform her I would be 15 minutes late in picking them up for their weekend stay with me which happened or was supposed to happen every other weekend ,. I`ll say at this point Samantha is not here to defend herself however I felt it right to give one example of her actions and I could give you a whole bunch more 5 yrs worth in fact but it`s only purpose here is for you to be able to have some understanding of events.
Even if things were as they should be with a divorced family this would still be painful but it has to be said somewhat easier than I know somebody is going to allow it to be . My pain comes from the fact no matter how much I try to reassure them of the love I have for them and that will never change , and that of my plans being put in place for contacting them, everything I can and should be doing ,will be sabotaged at every attempt . It`s already happening and I`m powerless to stop the pain..
I`ve tried to keep detail to a bare minimum The full story is by no means irrelevant , in fact , it`s very relevant , However this is not intended to be an account of my life history it is simply a Journal of my experiences and thoughts as I go Forth into the future that awaits me .. Names are all fictitious however the facts are the facts as happened .. I`m sorry for any unanswered questions I may have left you with . Thank you For Reading
Since I started my little blog land adventure I`ve come across a myriad of blogs relating to religion, creationism and the whole aspect of how or why we might be here . Most of what I`ve read so far has been incite full , interesting even compelling to read , Some tho have , in their deepness , left me with that proverbial feeling of losing the will to live. It does beggar one question tho. Where do I stand ? To which theory do I subscribe to?
The answer is I really don’t know , The bible, God and the whole religion angle has to be my least favored idea due simply to the many gaping holes and contradictions not to mention the fact ,to me ,God didn’t ever seem a really nice chap at all . And the way religion is used more often than not as a tool of control and outlandish ideas of sexist male bigotry , In my opinion the bible was written by some egotistical power needy men and for the sole purpose of self-justification, That is just my view from what ,or even how very little I know , I don’t claim to know nor do I judge those who think or believe otherwise .
The big bang theory and evolution seems a little more plausible to me but even that way of thinking is made up of its fair share of guess-work and willful assumptions , and explanations answered with more uncomprehending quantum science tomfoolery than ya can wave a stick at, I mean from out of nothing by total accident two wotsit thingy`s fly into each other and hey presto a couple of years with too many zero`s later life begins .. Are we to assume that what ever that very first life-form was it was unique? . After all just the chances that one life form resulted are given at a mind-boggling more likely to be impossible odds of happening let alone two , And what was the life span of this life form , because I`m thinking right, that to go , from blob to blob with gills aint going happen over night . AND if ya look at the diversity of life on this planet and think all that from one little blob .. Not only that I get a real complex when I think that I`m only bloody here because I`m a result of a frigging accident .
So you see, when I choose to sit on the fence with this subject it`s for good reason , Don’t get me wrong I will always wonder and wish to know the how ,why ,what, and when . After all It`s human nature isn’t it ?
And don’t worry the whole Alien and the cloning experiment that went wrong Idea hasn’t been pushed under the table. I will save that for another Digression, until then kids be good and spread the love ..