Here We GO !!!!!!!!
The day that I had been anticipating for a few months had finally arrived. Monday, The first day of my final working week in the U.K. Now as it happens the whole week went by and sure there was plenty of well wishes and handshakes but as I left work for the final time I had that anticlimax feeling. I have only been with the company two and a half years so I wasn’t expecting a gold watch or nothing, .however, perhaps it was me but things seemed a little too underwhelming. That feeling only lasted but a few moments before a little wry smile took over
It`s Sunday ….. MY very LAST Sunday in the UK .. HEHEHE.. I HAVE STARTED TO PACK… I now am in full on excited mode . It`s actually finally happening . It`s like the whole ambiance has changed . It feels mighty good too. There is nothing in my week ahead that is going to be remotely taxing or stressful apart from seeing my girls for the last time but that aside I AM READY . I can honestly say I have no fear, apprehension,reluctance or any other negativity about doing this. Is this wrong ? Should I be feeling something other than happiness and positivity for the future ? I don`t know. My way of thinking is that if I wasn’t feeling how I am now, 100% sure this is the right thing for me, Then I probably shouldn’t do it but as it is I welcome my future with hooting horns ,flags, lots of whooping it up and of course open arms.
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Previously On Lanky Goes Forth !
With the start of the Penultimate week of my working life in England being Just hours away , And being it`s Fathers day my thoughts are dominated to the most painful part of this path I now walk .
Knowing I am going to have to say goodbye to my two beautiful daughters, Jane and Mary , was never going to be easy for any of us but especially for them. Jane is 9 yrs and Mary 15 yrs age and they both live with their mother, Samantha, who I was married to for nearly 13 years ending some 5 yrs ago with a divorce , a very bitter divorce .
For Samantha that bitterness has remained with her to this day and it would be very fair of me to say bitterness has festered into nastiness on her part. Now even though all that nastiness is aimed in my direction, and delivered with some venom, what Samantha is totally oblivious to is that it`s Jane and Mary who are being hurt by her almost lust for the need to hurt me . Samantha doesn’t even recognize the fact that I `ve become immune to her venom, I feel , I now know the real Samantha better than she really knows herself , .
Jane and Mary have a given ” Right” to be shielded from 100 % of all the crap that they have ,unashamedly, for Samantha , been exposed to . No child should have to hear any adult let alone their mother shout ” You’re a Crap Father” ” “I hate you The Kids hate you” before slamming the phone down for any reason what so ever. What caused her to do that by the way was the fact that I called to inform her I would be 15 minutes late in picking them up for their weekend stay with me which happened or was supposed to happen every other weekend ,. I`ll say at this point Samantha is not here to defend herself however I felt it right to give one example of her actions and I could give you a whole bunch more 5 yrs worth in fact but it`s only purpose here is for you to be able to have some understanding of events.
Even if things were as they should be with a divorced family this would still be painful but it has to be said somewhat easier than I know somebody is going to allow it to be . My pain comes from the fact no matter how much I try to reassure them of the love I have for them and that will never change , and that of my plans being put in place for contacting them, everything I can and should be doing ,will be sabotaged at every attempt . It`s already happening and I`m powerless to stop the pain..
I`ve tried to keep detail to a bare minimum The full story is by no means irrelevant , in fact , it`s very relevant , However this is not intended to be an account of my life history it is simply a Journal of my experiences and thoughts as I go Forth into the future that awaits me .. Names are all fictitious however the facts are the facts as happened .. I`m sorry for any unanswered questions I may have left you with . Thank you For Reading
With D-Day fast approaching I find myself reflecting on the last 3 years in what can only be described as an “Incredible” period in the Life of LankyBritt . There have been many up`s and tho it`s not been totally a perfect path the down`s have been few in number.
What we had here at first was an “Internet Relationship” Two people falling for each other separated only by the void between their two internet connected PC`s. At first that’s all that was needed it was good enough at that time it was all dandy .. However as the relation ship grew so did the realization that the void was actually 3,800 miles worth of void with an awful lot of water in too , Living in the same country would have been a good start but half a world apart, 5 hour time difference all makes for a very not ideal start for any relationship.
So as to the question “Do INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS Work ?” I feel very qualified to answer so here is my Opinion. First off the obvious answer is Yes they can but in reality most fail . Most fail before the very first make or break factor even happens . They never get to meet in real life. Starting off as friends without any idea of having a relationship, talking sharing your most inner thoughts ,discussing your skeletons, laying your life bare as it were, your fears hopes and aspirations is what I think helped myself and D`Ma get where we are today , It’s not easy by any stretch tho .. It wasn’t until we first met that I was 100% sure that we had at least a slim chance and that I was happy to go forward . Spending that first visit with D`Ma cemented the bond between us for me it was a very special and significant time .. IT CERTAINLY DIDN’T BREAK US .
We have had a couple of make or break events where either one of us could have said Game Over , but our respect understanding for each other as basic human beings to start with, both wanting the same things, Understanding a partnership means equality , has helped us move forward resolve issues and come out stronger .. I`M not afraid to say I`v e learned much from D`Ma about myself that I can only thank her for .
The hardest part had to be the Visa process , The waiting , The fears of refusal, The whole process caused us both a great deal of stress and frustration , That time alone would see the end to a lot of relationships in my opinion but we both look back now and think how hard we made it on ourselves but we never blamed each other we did what we had to do to pull each other thru the hard
My worst month was definitely May .. THAT MONTH WENT ON FOR EVER and ever and ever , My patients have never been so tortured n tested .. I was craving June to begin sooo badly as I wanted to give my months notice to My employer that I was leaving at end of June. Every day for the whole period of our visa application I would get questions from work mates .. any news yet .. when ya going … I`m sure they must have thought I was making it all up.
I am now here tho at this point D-Day +3 Two weeks left at work 3 week before I depart Excited , Hungry ,Eager definitely, fear,reservations,anxiety not a shred … BRING IT FRIGGIN ON !